October surprises are not really surprises anymore; they seem to happen so often during campaign seasons. And this year, only five days into the month, the first – but probably not the last – spasm of uncertainty disrupted the run-up to next month’s midterm elections.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is elderly and has been in poor health for several years now. He was in the hospital recently, and my siblings and I were asked if we wanted to issue a do not resuscitate order. It was weird because the doctor asked me right in front of my father. Though he was asleep at the time, imagine if he had heard us. I actually don't know if he did. We haven't figured out what to do yet, but I feel certain it wasn't handled well at that moment. How should the hospital find that answer? What is the process for making such a tough decision? — Choosing Life DEAR CHOOSING LIFE: You are right. Such matters should be handled discreetly, always keeping the patient's state of mind as a priority. You should have been assigned a caseworker who would share the options available to you and help you understand the implications of each. This is one of the hardest decisions that a family member must make during a loved one's end of life. It should be considered carefully and privately.

Harkening back many days ago to junior high (middle school depending upon where you grew up and what era) English class people were taught the best stories always have conflict.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been wanting to be in a relationship for years now. I'm almost 30, and I have never been in a serious relationship.