Colleague seems to ignore team member

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on a small group work call the other day, and I noticed that one person in the group blatantly ignored me when I spoke directly to her. At first, I thought she might not have heard me, but then it became increasingly clear that she was intentionally choosing not to engage with me. I wrote a follow-up group email, and everyone responded but her. I am completely confused as to why she would do this, as I’ve never had any sort of negative interaction with her before. What do you think this could be about? — Work Tension DEAR WORK TENSION: Stop driving yourself crazy trying to imagine what this woman’s issue with you might be. Ask her. Describe to her how you experienced her behavior during that work call. Be calm as you tell her what you noticed. Ask her if she intentionally chose not to engage you and, if so, why. Your direct questions will either get her to respond — or possibly to stop. She will likely be surprised that someone would address her behavior so directly. Use her surprise to your advantage.

DO JUST ONE THING

According to Reader’s Digest, that bag of shredded cheese in the supermarket contains one ingredient you probably don’t want to eat: cellulose. It’s added to the bag to absorb excess moisture so the cheese stays fluffy and doesn’t cake. So, is it bad for you? Not necessarily, but it’s an additional reason to consider shredding your own cheese. Just purchase a block of cheese and shred it yourself at home, then place it in an airtight container and freeze.

Giant leap (backward) for Arkansas

To hear her tell it, Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is among the world’s biggest Christians, although her definition might differ from yours or mine. Also, a world-class “mom,” to use the word she employs almost as frequently to describe herself.

Father haunts grown child in stressful dreams

DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few months, I have had a lot of dreams about my late father. We had a complex relationship. I know he loved me, but he was really hard on me. It felt like nothing I did was good enough. He really did a number on my head. And now, more than 10 years later, he is still in my head.

Changing the more things change ...

Welcome to another country. This is not the one you grew up in. This is an entirely different nation, with completely different values and vastly different experiences and expectations.

Employee upset by co-worker’s shortcomings

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a team for about a year, and one member of the group is the weak link. His shortcomings directly impact me every time we work together. I have brought my concerns to his attention pretty much every time there is an issue. Still, nothing happens. I did tell my boss after a few months because it got under my skin he was getting credit for work that I was doing on his behalf. Everybody thinks he is great, but I’m the one following behind him doing everything to make it great. I don’t think he even realizes how poorly he does his job, in part because I can’t help but fix the errors. Finally, my boss decided to speak to him about his work. It got really uncomfortable because this man then thought of me as a traitor. How can I get him to understand how to do his job better? Since they aren’t firing him, I’m not sure what to do. — Do Your Job DEAR DO YOUR JOB: Since your boss did speak to your co-worker, go back to your boss and ask for a plan of action to get the work done better. Mention that things are awkward now, and you need support in getting the work done between you two.

Trying to be friends with a collie named Lassero

My husband, Peter, is trying to impress a local collie. Peter knows better than this. He had a collie for many years. Collies are not easily impressed. They have their own priorities and their own agenda and if it happens to coincide with yours, you can pretend they did something on your behalf — but you’d be lying to yourself.

Examining the virtue of discomfort

Liberals have been outraged, and rightly so, over the war on free speech and thought launched by right-wing activists. As I wrote recently, “a nationwide movement is gathering steam to ban books” featuring characters that are not straight white male Christians.

In-laws don’t understand woman’s upbringing

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having trouble navigating my relationship with my inlaws, particularly due to my background. My husband is from a wealthy family, and I was homeless for the majority of my childhood. Every time I mention my upbringing, I feel their judgment, like I have nothing to be proud of. I understand that they come from a different background and can’t possibly comprehend what I’ve experienced. I do, however, think they need to see that this upbringing helped shape me into a grateful, successful and strong person who wouldn’t trade her experiences for the world.

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